


But I still wonder... Why?

by thatarsenalgal



Category: Football RPF
Genre: 2014 World Cup, Bayern München, Borussia Drotmund, Football, Germany NT - Freeform, M/M, Multi, Soccer, Sports, Wedding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-02
Updated: 2014-11-21
Packaged: 2018-01-14 08:38:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,941
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1259965
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thatarsenalgal/pseuds/thatarsenalgal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Marco receives a wedding invite to Mario's and Ann's wedding despite the fact that- Marco & Mario haven't spoken for over 5 years.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I don't want to imagine anymore.

**Author's Note:**

> Credits: This is based on a song .. Love by Daughter (Synkro edit). Please do check it out if you haven’t heard it and can. It helps, because it shows the emotions of Reus in this story well. 
> 
> I' d appreciate it if you didn't share my story on other sites- simply share the link to the story here on archives of our own. I hope you enjoy this & thank you. Xx

12th of July 2019.

Five years have passed since Marco last saw Mario.  
Five years have passed since Marco last spoke to Mario. 

Why he received an invitation to his and Ann Kathrin’s wedding was beyond him. He thought Mario didn’t care to think of him anymore. He made it clear five years ago in Brazil that he’d moved on. 

\--

13th of July 2014.

“Can you believe it?” Mario said to Marco with a dimpled, contagious smile. Marco laughed wearing only his jockeys’ in their hotel room and said, “Nien! Who would have thought the 2014 world cup would be ours? We finally beat the Italians!” Marco lied down on his tummy on their king sized bed and switched on the tv. Mario joined silently- wearing a jockey only. It was always like this between them. They didn’t need to say much. They just knew and understood each other. 

The Brazilian commentators on TV kept highlighting the winning goal. The goal that made Germany the world champions of football- the greatest sport on Earth. Mario cut through the defenders one by one like Messi at his best in the 77th minute. He lobbed the ball to Marco who controlled it and finished it with an elegant left footed volley. This was why everyone called them the best duo in Europe, the best in the world currently. No other pair could function like them, what they do together is unique. “We really do work well together huh?” Mario asked. “We do more than just work well together Mario, you know that better than anyone,” Marco said with an edge to his voice whilst reaching out for his face and pulling him towards him. Mario moved in just as Marco tugged on him gently- already knowing what Marco’s intentions were. 

Their lips met, and a second later their broad, toned naked chests met too whilst their legs tangled together. The kiss went from gentle to rough and passionate soon after. Marco’s groan, which he tried to hide, filled the room as Mario bit his bottom lip and grabbed his ass. Their teeth smashed as they fought for dominance- Marco flipped Mario over and locked him beneath him. Marco bit Mario’s neck and grinded their hips together, exposing how they were both hard for each other. Mario’s groan of pleasure filled Marco’s ears and soon after, Marco groaned with frustration.

Mario’s phone buzzed repeatedly on the bedside table. Mario took his phone and despite the fact that the caller ruined their moment, Mario didn’t seem annoyed, he was just… fine. “Yeah, yeah I’ll see you now babe… Yeah, love you too,” Mario said into the phone before hanging up with a small smile. Marco shook his head with a smile that didn’t meet his eyes. “Babe? So I guess you and Ann are still going strong then?” he asked Mario. Forget the phone ruining their moment; it seemed to be Mario ruining it himself. “I can’t break up with her. It just isn’t fair to her,” he said. “But stringing me along and making me believe that you’ll eventually love me only and not Ann too is fair?” Marco asked. “It’s not like that and you know it. How do you think she’ll react to me telling her: hey we can’t be together anymore, because I like Marco Reus more than you. How do you think the media will react to it? To us Macro? A gay couple in the Bundesliga? I’m not sure I’m ready to risk it all,” he replied with his voice raised. Marco shook his head in disbelief and replied with a dry laugh, “You sound sure to me. You’ve clearly decided what we have isn’t worthy. That I’m not worthy for you. I’m such a fucking fool to have ever believed you actually. You’ve been feeding me the same bullshit since the first time we made love- or should I say fucked? Because it seems like you’re reserving the lovey dovey shit for Ann. I’ve been waiting for you- for seven months Mario. Were you ever actually gonna jump the gun with me… commit to me fully?” 

Mario swallowed a thick lump down his throat whilst reaching out for Marco who dodged his touch as if he was an acidic substance, staring at him in a way Mario has never seen before. “I just don’t want to do or say something to Ann which I’ll regret,” he said hesitantly. Marco laughed now and it was scary. He laughed hard and freely not knowing whether to cry or shout. “You always say that when I ask you if you’ve sorted it out with Ann, and I finally get it now. You will never leave her, because you’d regret it. You would regret leaving her and exposing to the world that you’ve been in an emotional and physical relationship with a man for a year. With me Mario… how could you regret us?” he asked. Mario didn’t reply, he knew the question was rhetorical. Mario and Marco both knew that Mario regretted everything that started amongst them. He didn’t need Mario’s confirmation for something he already knew, he just needed to accept it. Marco started to get dressed and packed all his things. He at least wanted to leave with his dignity; he was constantly giving himself fully to someone who never really gave back. Mario kept dividing himself between two people. He took more from Marco, and gave Ann more. 

“Wait, please don’t leave. It’s not supposed to end like this,” Mario said with a crack in his voice. “It is supposed to end like this. Shit can’t always happen the way you want it to happen. I never understood why you left for Bayern, and I cried and tried to convince you to stay here in Dortmund not only for me but also for the fans, that thought of you as the cities golden boy. But at the end of the day- I let you go. I never understood why you wanted to cover us up with Ann but- I let you. I guess I fucked up too for letting you and trusting you too much. But I’m not gonna let you have this end the way you want it to, too.” After studying the Mario's facial expression change from confusion to guilt and pain, Marco left the room- despite witnessing Mario in a ball on the bed, crying hard. 

Marco didn’t look back, because he knew Mario regretted what they had. He didn’t deny it, that’s why he was crying- not because he lost and hurt Marco, but because he knew he did a bad deed. He always put his self-interests first. He left the hotel and went to another luxurious hotel two blocks down the road since he had a friend there. His friend came to support and enjoy the world cup, since his country didn’t qualify. Marco made his way easily to the top floor as the security and deskmen were aware of whom he was and where he was going. He frequently came here during the world cup to see his friends. Once at the top floor, he knocked on room number 117. 

“Marco? It’s 1 in the morning, shouldn’t you be celebrating with your national team or something?” his friend asked. Marco laughed dryly which is something he seemed to be doing often since breaking it off with Mario. He just thought his Sunny- Mario- would celebrate a beautiful victory with good news not b- “Marco, are you okay?” his friend asked interrupting his thoughts. After a long pause Marco finally replied to his friends raised eyebrows, “No... I'm not okay Pierre. Can I just, spend the morning here?” 

Pierre took Marco’s bags into the room switching on all the lights- wasting no time. When he came back into the living area, he found Marco sitting on the long cream suede coach that matched the colour of the walls and the shining tiles, with his shoes and jacket off staring at nothing. He was somewhere else mentally. “You need to tell me what’s wrong,” Pierre told Marco. Marco didn’t say anything or move though, so Pierre dragged him to the only king sized bed in his suite. Marco’s feet stopped moving, so Pierre had to pick him up, and put him into the bed himself. Pierre decided Marco’s sweatpants and Nike t-shirt were comfy enough to leave him to sleep in. He took the blanket and placed it over him once he had gotten into the bed himself after putting on his pajamas and switching off the lights. 

Marco didn’t say anything and Pierre already accepted the fact that he wouldn’t ever know whats caused his friend to become so numb and hollow. Just as he thought Marco had fallen asleep and began to drowse off himself, he heard a deep sob and a heavy cough. Marco was crying- hard. Pierre eliminated the space in between them and hugged Marco gently yet strongly. Marco responded for the first time by burying his head into his shoulder and clenching Pierre as if he was the only thing capable of keeping him sane. Pierre didn’t understand his sudden pain since he had just won his nation the world cup, but he let him drench his pajama t-shirt in tears anyway. Because Marco’s a good friend and Pierre knew he’d do the same for him. So he let Marco cling onto him that morning and throughout the day as they slept.

\--

October 2014.

Dortmund had just lost to FC Schalke 04.They worked hard and played better maintaining 68% possession. Unfortunately an unexpected goal from Boateng resulted in a late win for Schalke and a subsequent loss for Dortmund of 2-1. They all stayed after the ref blew the final whistle- Marco linking his fingers with Pierre on the right and Kevin on the left- lifting their arms together acknowledging and thanking the away fans for their support. Having his teammates and just being able to play the beautiful game of football really helped Marco focus on something else other than Mario through the months. Without these things he’s sure he’d be suffering from full on depression. He and Mario are still the only ones aware of what happened between them that night in Brazil. He can’t tell anyone because Mario clearly doesn’t want the world to know that he’s gay. And even though Mario put Marco through some bullshit, he still respects his personal wishes enough to keep it to himself.

“Hey, you wanna swing by and play a game of 2k15?” Mats asked after Marco had just showered in the locker-room and gotten dressed. “Sounds like fun, but I’m really tired,” Marco replied. “Didn’t you sleep last night?” Kevin asked. “I did, I got 12 hours of sleep actually… I’m just, tired ya know?” The boys took this as a joke sharing a laugh, whilst Marco closed his locker- and slung his backpack onto one of his shoulders putting his snapback on back to front. Marco let out a dry laugh and said, “I’ll see you guys tomorrow morning.” Only one person in the room sensed the obscurity of his behavior. 

As Marco drove home in his Range, he couldn’t help but wonder what’s up with his personal life. After breaking it off with Mario, he realised just how much he depended on him for some sort of joy outside of football. He doesn’t regret his choice, because being in a relationshit with someone who’s ashamed of their partner is just that… Shit. It would never work. As he drove up onto his driveway he noted an Austin Martin parked already with the engine idling. 

“Do you have to follow me everywhere?” Marco asked Pierre as they both stepped out of their cars and approached the front door of Marco’s house. “No, but you know I want to.” Marco left the door open for Pierre and took off his shoes. He flopped down onto his couch and overlooked the setting sun through his glass windows in the area. After standing behind the coach for a while, Pierre sat down next to him. 

“12 hours of sleep, yet you’re still tired? As time progresses, your excuses get more pathetic ya know?” Pierre chuckled lightly. Marco lolled his head the side on the coach to face Pierre and gazed at him as he felt his lips forming a light genuine smirk that met his eyes. Pierre returned the genuine smile enjoying Marco’s signature smirk - which he rarely witnessed these days. “Are you sure it’s my excuses that are pathetic and not just me that’s pathetic?” 

And just like that, Marco was back to his gloomy self. The temporary sparks in his eyes were long gone. He’d been this way since Pierre found him in the front of his hotel room door in the early mornings after the World Cup final. “What happened after the final? I’ve been trying to help you - to bring back the lively Woody but I can’t. I can’t because you won’t even let me in,” Pierre said. Marco clenched his jaw and replied bitterly, “I can’t tell you what happened because it doesn’t just concern me.” Marco constantly gave that excuse and dodged this topic for the past 4 months, but Pierre had had enough. He needed Marco to be happy so that he could give his best for the team and himself. “That’s bullshit and you know it. This whole depressed version of you, is all you. No one is telling you to be so damn gloomy. So yes, you can tell me what happened that day and you will, because this pathetic version of you concerns you, and only you 100%... Just stop being so anti-help, please.” 

“You won’t understand,” Marco said in a barely audible voice. “How do you know? You haven’t even let me try, and if I don’t - I don’t know then help me understand. Just- 

“I’m gay Pierre!” Marco yelled in frustration more at himself than at Pierre. Pierre’s silence and composed facial expression calmed Marco down slightly and enabled him to continue. “I was in love with a man… But he never really loved me - fully that is. He never loved me the way I loved him. That’s why he’s with someone else and not me. He chose her over me. He stringed me along for a year Pierre, only to find out that my feeling were unrequited and he regretted ever loving me mildly. I'm- I'm not sure if he left me because she was- is? I don't even know what's going on on their behalf, but I guess she makes his heart beat faster than I ever did. I guess I wasn't enough for him.” Marco said sounding hollow. Pierre didn’t respond immediately despite the fact that Marco's disbelief in himself scared Pierre. He took his time, absorbing all the information. 

“Mario?” Pierre asked. Marco’s silence was all Pierre received, but he wasn’t stupid- he didn’t need confirmation. After a while Pierre could only tell him what he truly felt.. “You deserve the best Marco. If Mario couldn't see how much there is to you- then he lost something special.” Marco didn’t know what shocked him more. The fact that Pierre had forgotten his first declaration of being gay, or the fact that he could read him so easily and still wish him the best- even though he hasn’t been the nicest friend these past months. 

He realised after telling Pierre all of this, he felt like he was actually letting go- not completely, but it was a start. When Pierre grinned at him this time showing all his teeth and his warm, deep brown eyes glinting- Marco smiled back his dimpled smile that met his eyes. And for the first time in a while, the sparks in his eyes weren’t temporary thanks to Pierre’s contagious grin and warm eyes.

\--

2014-2019.

As the months and later years went by, Marco stopped wondering why Mario chose Ann and left him behind. Marco stopped looking at pictures of the two of them thinking how Ann needed to take her hands off of, the only man he had ever loved. He stopped imagining Ann and Mario’s naked bodies tangled together like porcelain when they turned the lights off at night. The memories Marco thought he couldn’t forget and kept replaying in his mind - he forgot. He erased it all. Because he didn’t want to imagine the past anymore… he didn’t want to imagine Mario. He didn't need him anymore. He only felt someone warmer and saw a brighter smile when he closed his eyes at night.

\--

Feedback is highly appreciated. It'll give me an indication of what ya'll favour and how I should structure the second- and last part. Thank you. x


	2. I hope she makes your heart beat faster than I did, and gives you what you hope for.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mario's marrying Ann now, and Marco attends... Or doesn't?

After collecting his mail from the main lobby of the building, he noticed a black textured envelope with his name written in gold amongst the mail. Marco walked back into his loft apartment on the top floor in London overlooking the city. He left it under the fruit bowl in the kitchen not wanting to open it yet- and dumped the rest of the mail on the counter. As he walked up the stairs to the living room upstairs, he saw his three close friends, and boyfriend playing FIFA 19. Smiling at the calm yet lively atmosphere, he watched Lukas Podolski beat Ozil 2-0. Pierre and Olivier Giroud laughed in the background teasing Ozil in French for failing to score at least one goal, and conceding two. Marco was now an Arsenal midfielder, following the footsteps of his idol Tomas Rosicky who retired last season. Replacing him and wearing his shirt number in the 2019/2020 season, it was another dream of his come true. He loves it here in London, he loves arsenal- but he never forgets where he came from and watches every Dortmund game when he can. Dortmund is a team that will forever be in his heart, despite the fact that he has moved on, to live another one of his dreams.

"Shot gun player one next round and I'm playing with BvB!" Marco shouted from across the room strolling to the couch sitting in between Pierre and Lukas. Pierre gave him a personal warm smile displaying his full set of teeth, and Marco couldn’t help but smile back feeling content. Having Pierre here in London with him is great, as he transferred to Chelsea two months after Marco transferred to Arsenal. He’s at his peak displaying attributes akin to Drogba and is becoming the blues savior akin to him. Pierre and Marco live together as they both came out to the public back in the 2016/2017 season after winning the Champions League Cup with Borussia Dortmund. The response from the fans in Dortmund was fine, and the demand for him as a player didn’t increase or decrease. No one seemed to give two shits about the fact that he and Pierre were gay and together. They both appreciate that because it means that they’re judged according to their work ethic and what they do on the pitch- not what they do in bed. Of course there were a few homophobic comments here and there, but it didn’t bother them, because what mattered was them and football, nothing else.

Marco took Ozil’s controller after he lost yet again 3-0 to Pierre. “You shouldn’t be allowed to play this game. You should apologize on Facebook to Pierre for wasting his time and swear to never play again,” Marco stated with a cheeky grin. The lads erupted in laughter as he started playing with BvB against Giroud who picked Bayern. In the 20th minute Giroud scored with Jerome Boateng. “Ouiiiiii BOATENG!” Giroud roared as he hopped of the coach. His celebration was cut short though as Marco scored 2 minutes later with Kevin. “Oui, for what boy?” Marco enquired with a wink. “Just shut the fuck up please,” the tall French man said. “I sense the vibe of a sore loser,” Ozil added in whilst laughing. Olivier stated, “I feel like, you have no right to insert side comments ‘cause you still haven’t scored a single goal.” Everyone laughed freely, including Mesut. In the second half Marco scored again with Erik Durm and won the game 2-1. The boys continued to play for a while until the evening and decided it was time to call it quits. “Training session tomorrow even though there aren’t any games currently?” Ozil asked. “Always up to play the beautiful game of football, no need to ask bro. See you then,” Pierre said. They all nodded agreeing to it. When everyone left it was just Pierre and Marco left in their apartment.

They decided to order some De Vinci pizza for supper, since it was a Friday and the only day they could pig out. Whilst waiting for their order Pierre started going through the mail. “Marco, aren’t you gonna open this?” Pierre asked Marco whilst looking at a black textured envelope. “I was going to after dinner, but you can open it now if you want. I don’t know who it’s from and what it’s for,” Marco replied. As Marco gave him permission, Pierre was already opening the envelope in a rush but delicately. Pierre seemed to be about to read the content of the envelope out loud but stopped as soon as he read the first word. Confused, Marco went around the kitchen counter and stood behind Pierre with his left hand on Pierre’s which held the letter.. Or invite? It only took Marco a few seconds to understand why Pierre was rendered speechless, because Pierre could feel his left hand tense on his. All that left Marco’s lips after a long time was, “He’s getting married?” Pierre didn’t say anything though, he knew what Marco asked was rhetorical. It wasn’t Pierre that managed to steal Marco’s attention from the invite though despite him rubbing his hand and asking if he’s okay, but the doorbell as the pizza man arrived with their pizza, which Pierre collected and put in the TV room. It took Marco a while, but he eventually sat next to Pierre on the sofa in the TV room and started eating the pizza slowly and quietly. For once the TV room was quiet, as neither saw reason in putting the TV on or blasting some Drake like tunes. Marco may not have noticed, but his reaction to the invite really off put Pierre. After all these years, Pierre genuinely thought that Mario wouldn’t be able to emotionally affect Marco so greatly anymore. He thought everything he did for Marco, and everything Marco said to him was true. But now, Marco seemed to distance himself from everything around him, including Pierre. The last time he did this was when he stumbled into his hotel room after he broke up with Mario in 2014. And just like that, Pierre left the house replying to Marco’s questioning look with a, “I just need some fresh air,” over his shoulder.

The excuse wasn’t valid, he knew that and so did Marco, but Marco could tell Pierre was in no mood to have his buttons pushed unwillingly. Pierre couldn’t believe it, he spent so much time caring for Marco as a friend and thereafter when he was no longer vulnerable and fine, loving him more than he’d loved anyone else. He thought what he gave Marco was enough- more than enough, but it obviously wasn’t. Especially if one invite from Mario is enough to make all the progress he’d made with Marco go to waste. 5 years, and he can still affect him this way? Maybe Pierre was overreacting, but he thought he’d seen the last of a Marco heart broken over his ex. Pierre decided he just needed to run this feeling of failure off. And that’s what he did, he ran the feeling of failure off- well at least he tried to run it off along with the nudge in his mind telling him he’d never be good enough for Marco.

\----------------

 

“What do you think? Veil or no veil? This wedding is tomorrow and I don’t even-“ Ann asked only to receive a tired glare from Mario and a soft, “Please could you just, I don’t know do it yourself? It’s not like my opinion actually matters anyway.” That was true, whatever Mario chose, was only actually chosen if Ann initially wanted it. Mario rubbed his hands over his face with frustration and let out a groan of frustration. He didn’t want to be here, he didn’t want to do this. He stood up and went out of the shop and to its patio and stood overlooking a beautiful well-kept Persian garden. He wandered, like he usually does, what Marco was doing now. And that feeling of guilt he feels every day since the night they last shared together after the world cup final overtakes him. He wanders what life would be like, if he’d just chosen him over Kathrin, and outed himself with him. But there’s no use in him wandering all these things because he knows his happy with Pierre.

\-----------

The next morning Marco woke up and was worried when he realized Pierre still hadn’t returned from his, ‘I need some fresh air’ lone time. He looked for him in the night, but realized that Pierre had gone a lot further than he usually does as soon as he starts running. As he showers and has breakfast, he starts to pace their apartment worrying about Pierre and his safety. It then dawns upon him that he is probably safe, the only reason he wasn’t at home with Marco right now, is because he didn’t want to be. But why-

“I’m back,” Pierre says as he opens the door dropping the apartment keys looking showered and well dressed. Marco realizes that he must have slept at a friends house and worn his extra clothes stored in there- and it must have been Giroud’s. “Why, did you take so long? I- isn’t there enough fresh air on our balcony?” Marco asked dumbfounded and relieved that Pierre was really okay. Pierre didn’t reply immediately but he eventually did as he walked towards the fridge to prepare a sandwich, flinching away from Marco’s kiss. “No, there isn’t enough fresh air on our balcony Marco,” Pierre spoke softly and.. Marco couldn’t quite pinpoint the emotion but he’d never heard that tone and seen this look on Pierre’s face- the look of someone that’s given up. “Babe, why are you acting like this?” Marco asked dumbfounded. Pierre chuckled dryly, “like what, babe?” Pierre stressed the word ‘babe’ in a funny way, which Marco realized was Pierre being- “You’re distancing yourself away from me,” Marco whispered with realization and managed a soft, “Why?” Pierre didn’t reply immediately, he just continued moving about the kitchen finishing his sandwich. He eventually stopped and looked Marco dead in the eyes, and his eyes weren’t a warm chocolate colour like they usually are. “I’M the one distancing myself away from you? You really don’t get it do you? I know Mario broke you heart, but how was an invite from him to his and Ann’s wedding enough to make you forget my presence for a long time. It took me leaving for you to subtly but hardly acknowledge presence. You always said how Mario was selfish during your relationship but you acted just like him last night. You forgot about me existing in that moment in time, what was even going through your head? Were you heart broken again by him? Because your hearts never actually belonged with me has it, it’s always been with Mario?” Pierre asked with a tone that sounded dry and uncaring, but his eyes said another thing. Marco stood there not replying- “I’m asking you a question Marco, it isn’t that hard. What was going through your head, did you even realize I was still around with you?” Pierre’s eyes weren’t watering anymore he simply stood there with a poker face. Marco couldn’t read his facial expression anymore; he felt no emotion from him. And Marco didn’t know what terrified him more, seeing his Pierre emotionless or emotionally defeated and tired. And the truth is, Marco didn’t know what he was thinking. He really didn’t– “Just answer my question.” “I- I honestly don’t know. I don’t know what I was thinking. I could’ve been reliving the past. I could’ve been daydreaming about my future. Wondering if we’d ever get married, or maybe what it would be like if Mario and I didn’t get into that fight and we got married instead-“. Pierre finally shed another single tear, a tear that was enough to stop Marco from explaining himself anymore. A tear that actually made Marco’s heart break the moment he saw it. And Marco knew after being with Pierre officially for 3 years that he never actually cries like this, he’s always warm and sunny with his bright chocolate eyes. He let out a cough mixed with a chuckle of hopelessness before looking Marco in the eyes and saying, “You’re still not over him.” Pierre didn’t need to shame himself anymore he simply grabbed his phone in the kitchen of the apartment hearing Marco’s plead in the background, “But-“ “I know you need a plus one to the wedding tomorrow, I read the invite with you remember? And I promise I’ll be there, I’ll meet you there.” Pierre said as he made a final turn on his heel towards the exit. “Pierre please, you don’t have to-“ “But I do have to Marco. As much as I’d like to be naïve like you were with Mario for 2 whole years, I’m not like you. I have a dignity.” Pierre knew he hit a soft spot, but he had to. He wanted Marco to understand the pain of his actions and words, because he didn’t seem to understand how much they hurt him. And Marco did understand, as he slid down onto the floor as tears flew freely down his face as he felt the worst pain he’d felt emotionally. He messed up the one pure and good thing he had in his life, and he didn’t know what to do about it.

\------------

“Okay, everything is sorted. We can leave now honey,” Ann said to Mario. Mario replied, “We’re not in front of any cameras you don’t have to call me honey. I’ve always hated that nickname anyway.” “Look, Mario you don’t have to act so bitter because guess what, we’re getting married tomorrow,” Ann replied with just as much attitude whilst getting into the car and shutting the door louder than necessary. As Mario drove out in his R8 with Ann he genuinely hoped, that Marco would stop the wedding from happening. But he knew that wouldn’t happen, because unlike himself, Marco moved on. “Do you think he’ll come?” Mario asked Ann or himself? Lord knows, but Ann sighed and answered genuinely which isn’t something she does frequently, “I don’t know Mario, and to be honest I really don’t see why he’d want to.”

\-----------

Pierre walked into the beautiful venue with his black tuxedo, skinny tie and his black Balenciaga sneakers. The Persian garden was decorated with white and purple roses around the perimeter. It was full of people but at the same time it felt like there was no one there. It probably felt like there was no-one there because he only knew these footballers as rivals and the person he actually came for due to making a promise, Marco, was no where in sight. Once again Pierre felt alone, and when he found the seat that had ‘Marco Reus’ on it, he sat on the adjacent one, as he was his partner. A Spanish looking man turned around to greet Pierre and said, “Hi, I’m Pedro, and I just want to say what you and Marco did in the football community was amazing. Thanks for inspiring my boyfriend and I.” Pierre shook his hand and smiled, because what else could he do. Thank him for… Looking up to him and Marco for being openly gay? For being themselves? He has never understood such remarks. You don’t see straight couples doing that to each other. But nonetheless, “Glad Marco and I were of help.” Pierre was about to take out his phone and take a picture of the venue, because despite the current situation the environment really was beautiful but a violin and two toddlers made him stop his actions.

So, this is it. His boyfriends’ ex is actually getting married. The flower girl and boy walked hand in hand and the only thing that could be heard along with the beautiful violin piece was the ‘awww’ of the medium sized crowd. The bridesmaids and best mans thereafter walked down the aisle smiling from ear to ear to accompany Mario who already stood in the front. With the swift change in music to a more elegant piece, Ann came walking down the aisle with her father. The iPhones were out and people were snapping away, and Ann really did look beautiful, and that’s what Mario said to her as soon as she arrived by him. But his eyes… the eyes always give a person away. Pierre sat there as he listened to them exchange their vows with interest but at the same time with no care. Instead, he imagined what it would be like for him Marco to be up there, but his thoughts stopped as he realized when he looked to his left, where the seat was empty that it probably wouldn’t happen. Before Pierre even realized it Ann and Mario were kissing and were officially husband and wife. The cheers were enough to remind him that no one objected. As they walked down the aisle smiling, maybe genuinely? The crowd stood to go inside where the after party was happening. But Pierre decided this wasn’t his day, it wasn’t his people, and the person he wanted to be here for wasn’t even trying so he left. Marco walked into the venue and realized the wedding was clearly done since he saw people dancing and celebrating. He was dressed in a casual tuxedo, no tie and top button undone. With Balenciaga sneakers which Pierre bought him a week back to match with him one day. He was late and he knew it, but because he was an emotional mess. At first he thought it was because of this situation happening right now in front of him, his ex getting married. But he realized that it was all Pierre, that look he gave him. Marco knows Pierre; he knows that he would never go back on his promise. So he decided to come late purposely, because he didn’t want to face his Pierre when he wasn’t smiling that warm genuine smile of his, because it wasn’t right. It wasn’t right for him to feel that way, especially because of the stupid things he did and said. Scanning the room in search of Pierre and thereafter the outside Marco came to a halt when he realized who it was that stood outside in the Persian garden lit with lanterns holding a glass of whiskey.

“I- I didn’t think you’d come, I mean Pierre did,” Mario started with wide eyes but Marco cut him off asking, “Where is he?” “I don’t know to be honest, I saw him in the crowd throughout the ceremony but after that, I don’t know.” Marco nodded his head and sighed turning around to leave but realized- “I forgot to tell you but congratulations. I wish you and Ann a happy life together.” As soon as Marco said that it dawned upon him that he truly meant it. 5 years ago he probably would have felt differently, but right now in this moment he did mean it. Mario stood there not saying a word for a few passing moments and just took slow sips of his whiskey. “A part of me was hoping that you’d actually come, that you’d object-“ “Object for what Mario?” Marco asked tiredly, because he didn’t understand why on earth that would be necessary. “Aren’t you happy?” “Is that- are you being serious?” Mario asked Marco with a flabbergasted facial expression. “Yes Mario I’m being dead serious. It’s a genuine question. Even though we didn’t end in the best way, I don’t wish for you to be eternally unhappy,” Marco said tiredly. “Am I happy? Are you happy?” Marco wasn’t impressed with the way Mario was dodging his questions. After all these years you’d think he’d stop doing that but Marco didn’t want to waste his time so he replied truthfully, “Yes, I am happy. I’ve been happy with the way my life has been going these past few years.” Mario’s eyebrows tugged together, almost as if he was in disbelief. “I see you’re completely over me then?” Mario asked with a blank face and eyes glossy. Whether it was the alcohol making his eyes glossy or tears to be he did not know. “You’ve got to be kidding me.” Marco said in utter disbelief. “What? I’m asking you a genuine question. Are you telling me after all this time you’re fine and completely over me with nothing to say, nothing to ask?” Marco shook his head exasperatedly and replied, “We were always meant to drift away like two sheets of ice Mario. Ice sheets that drift away from each other don’t go back together and refreeze into something.” Mario downed the rest of his glass and taunted Marco saying, “Does he make you scream the way I did? Does he even know how you love to be dominated?” Marco was done; he’d been done the day he left their hotel room after the World Cup. “You make me sick do you know that? If he wasn’t making me happy I’m pretty sure I would have left him. It’s been 3 years, and after wasting 2 years with you I don’t take anything below my standards. But Pierre is amazing, and I love him- I’m in love with him dammit. So don’t you dare-“ “You’re what?” “Don’t act like you didn’t hear me for 1 second Mario. Just go to your wife, and once again I wish you guy’s happiness. I hope she makes your heart beat faster than I or anyone ever did, and gives you what you hope for.” With that Marco left because he and Mario just never worked, and he was done.

Right now all he wanted to do was make things right with Pierre. For the second time in a span of 5 years, Marco left a guilty and hollow Mario behind. And again the sobs in the background weren’t going to stop him, because this was a cycle of on going bullshit that needed to end. Marco isn’t the same guy anymore, that was guaranteed after Mario betrayed him. And Mario wasn’t the same, or was he? He wouldn’t know, they spent 5 years apart and disconnected. As Marco drove into the parking lot of his and Pierre’s apartment, Marco took the elevator instead of the stairs to the very top where their loft was. Opening the door Marco called out for Pierre, whilst scanning through the apartment. He wasn’t inside and Marco put his hands through his hair tiredly hoping that Pierre didn’t leave again. Pouring himself a glass of wine he went onto the balcony and outside.

There he saw Pierre leaning forward with his elbows resting on the railing of the balcony overlooking the beautiful city lit up at night. Marco stood there for a few minutes quietly enjoying Pierre’s profile and the night cityscape. Quietly he put his full glass of wine down, and wrapped his arm around Pierre from the side and kissed his cheek softly before removing his hand from his back and lacing their hands together. Pierre looked at their hands laced together and smiled softly before looking out at the view again. Marco nudged his shoulder softly but firmly because he needed to know Pierre was with him, and not mad at him. “I see the balcony finally gives you enough air,” Marco said to Pierre. Pierre chuckled genuinely and huskily, a tone that aroused Marco. “Yeah, our balcony is enough. And I see your semi dressed yet you didn’t come to the actual ceremony?” Pierre asked sincerely puzzled. “I was a mess Pierre, I couldn’t-“ “I get it,” Pierre said with a soft sigh. “Do you really?” Marco asked facing him. “Mario-“ “It’s got nothing to do with him babe, I just knew you’d keep your word and go and I was genuinely scared you wouldn’t be happy to see me after yesterday Pierre. I was literally a mess,” Marco said quickly not wanting to lose it again. “It’s okay-” Pierre said. “No let me finish. You’ve always been there for me Pierre and I need you to know that I said stupid things I know but I need you to know that I want you and need you. I love you, Pierre. Don’t ever forget or doubt that.” Marco smiled up at him and kissed him, in between the kisses Pierre smiled and tried saying, “I love-“ but it got drowned in their kisses, which turned passionate fast. “I know, I know,” Marco said smiling in between the kisses, whilst dragging him back inside the loft to their room where actions spoke louder than words.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you loved it. xx

**Author's Note:**

> Feedback is highly appreciated! I have a structure for the second and last part of 'Why?', but the content really depends on the majorities feelings for the direction of the story and the Götzeus encounter at the wedding as well. So let me hear it! I am mostly on tumblr though (gooner-forever.tumblr.com), so any requests or suggestions can be sent there! Thanks. x


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